How to Include Parents in Your Wedding Ceremony | 5 Ideas
Wondering how to include parents in your wedding ceremony?
Readings and walking down the aisle are great options, but they’re only the beginning. From welcoming your guests to taking part in the ring exchange, here are five ways to give your parents a role that might feel more meaningful to you and to them.
When you're planning your wedding ceremony, it's worth thinking about the people who matter to you and how you want them to experience it. For lots of couples, that includes their parents.
There are plenty of ways to involve them, and they don't all require your parents to give a speech, perform a reading or even stand up in front of everyone. You can think about what they might say, where they might sit, what part of the ceremony they could lead, or simply how you can make sure they have a great view of a pretty significant moment in their child's life.
Here are five ways to include parents in your wedding ceremony.
1. Ask them to do a reading.
Asking a parent to do a reading is probably one of the most familiar ways to include parents in your wedding ceremony, and it’s a classic for a reason. It gives them a clear role, creates a moment for another voice to enter the ceremony and can be as heartfelt, funny, literary or straightforward as you like. It also works particularly well if you want your parents to be visibly part of the ceremony without asking them to talk about you or your relationship directly. They know exactly what they need to prepare, and you can choose words that suit both the person reading them and the kind of ceremony you’re creating. If you need some inspiration, I’ve got more ideas for choosing a wedding reading here.
Alternatively, you could ask them to find something they’d like to read to you. I particularly love this, because inviting someone you love to choose the words means you get to hear what they wanted to say to you on your wedding day, whether they find it in a poem, a song, a book or somewhere completely unexpected.
And if standing up and reading in front of a room full of people would make your mum or dad miserable, that’s useful information too. There are plenty of other ways to involve them.
2. Invite them to welcome your guests with you
If your parents know many of the people in the room, invite them to join you in welcoming everyone to the ceremony. This could be as simple as each parent saying a few words at the beginning, or you could create a short welcome together, with each of you speaking directly to the guests.
I love this as a way to include parents in your wedding ceremony because it gives them an opportunity to acknowledge the people who have travelled, gathered and shown up to celebrate with you. They can welcome your partner’s family and friends too, which can be particularly lovely when two families or communities are meeting properly for the first time.
Keep it short and give everyone a clear idea of what they’re there to do. A sentence or two from each person can be plenty. You’re simply opening the ceremony together and letting the people you love know how glad you are that they’re there.
3. Ask them to share some advice for your marriage
Parents are often given their big moment at the speeches, but there’s no reason all of their words have to wait until later in the day. Asking them to share a little advice during the ceremony can create a lovely moment between you.
Give them a question or prompt rather than simply asking them to “say a few words”. You could ask: What have you learned about loving someone over many years? What do you hope we remember about each other when life gets difficult? What has surprised you about marriage? What do you hope for us in the years ahead?
They don’t necessarily have to stand up and deliver their answers themselves either. They could write a few lines for your celebrant to read, answer the questions beforehand and have their words woven into the ceremony, or speak directly to you on the day.
This can be especially meaningful if your parents have been married for a long time, but longevity isn’t a requirement. The people who raised you may have all sorts of wisdom about relationships, family, friendship, compromise and building a life with another person that is worth hearing.
4. Give your parents a really good seat
Including your parents in your wedding ceremony doesn’t necessarily mean giving them a job. Think about ways to elevate their experience of the ceremony. Changing where they sit could make them feel far more involved in what’s happening.
At a wedding I worked on recently, the couple seated both sets of parents at the top of the ceremony space, with the couple sitting between them. The couple positioned themselves diagonally opposite their own parents, which meant that instead of looking at the backs or sides of their heads from the front row, their parents could actually see their child’s face throughout the ceremony.
Think about what your parents will actually be able to see from the seat you give them. Can they see your faces as you listen to each other’s vows? Can you catch their eye? Can they see your reactions, and can you see theirs?
If having your parents close to you matters, play around with the layout of your ceremony space. A small change in where everyone sits can completely change how connected they feel to the moment.
5. Ask them to conduct the ring exchange
Now this one is a serious wow moment. Invite your parents to conduct the ring exchange.
At a recent ceremony I designed, both mums came forward for this part. Each held one of the rings, said a few words and then handed the ring over for their child to place on their partner’s finger. It was simple, warm and gave them a part in one of the most recognisable moments of the ceremony.
There are lots of ways you could adapt this. Your parents could ask the questions that lead into the exchange, hold the rings until they’re needed, offer a few words or wishes for your marriage, or simply place the rings into your hands.
Think about which part of the ring exchange would feel natural for your parents to take responsibility for, give them enough information to feel confident about what happens when, and let the significance of the moment do the rest.
How to include parents in your wedding ceremony in a way that feels right
There’s no single role your parents need to play in your wedding ceremony. Start by thinking about what you’d actually like their involvement to mean. Do you want to hear from them? Have them close to you? Give them a moment of significance? Let them welcome the people they love? Invite them to take part in one of the important moments of the ceremony?
Think about your parents as people too. Some will relish the opportunity to stand up and speak, while others will be much happier holding a ring or sitting somewhere they can see your face.
This is exactly the kind of thinking that goes into The Ceremony. We look at the people who matter to you, the relationships in the room and how you want everyone to experience the ceremony, then we design it around you. If you’d like me to create and conduct your wedding ceremony, find out more about The Ceremony here.
Hello! I’m Sinéad, an independent celebrant based in the UK.
I’m a big believer that your wedding ceremony should the final highlight of an extraordinary journey. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to notice, celebrate and share the significance of your relationship with the people you love. I love hearing people’s stories, celebrating love in all its forms and helping couples create a day that feels relaxed, joyful and completely their own.
Come and discover more about my ceremonies here, or pop over and say hello on Instagram here.
Some questions you might have…
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Start by talking to them. Rather than deciding what you think they’d like to do, ask them how they’d actually like to be involved. Would they enjoy speaking in front of everyone? Would they rather have a small role without having to say anything? Is there a particular part of the ceremony they’d love to be involved in? Would they like to choose their own words, or would they feel more comfortable if you gave them a clear script? And, importantly, is there anything they’d really rather not do?
Their answers will give you a much better starting point for finding a role that feels meaningful and comfortable for everyone.
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No. You don’t need to give both sets of parents identical jobs for their involvement to feel meaningful. One parent might love speaking while another would hate it. You could involve them in different ways, at different points in the ceremony, while still making sure everyone feels considered.
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Parents can welcome your guests, offer advice or wishes for your marriage, present the rings, lead the ring exchange, take part in another ritual or have a meaningful place within the ceremony space. You can also create a role specifically for them based on their personality, your relationship with them or something that matters to your family.
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They don’t have to speak at all. They could hold or present your rings, accompany you into the ceremony, sit somewhere that keeps them physically close to you or contribute some words privately that your celebrant can share on their behalf. Being included in a wedding ceremony doesn’t have to mean standing in front of a room with a microphone.
Wedding ceremony services for couples
I offer two ways to work with me, depending on whether you would like me to create and lead your ceremony or help you create it yourselves.
